The following is a reprint of the monthly column I write for the Ute Country News, Divide, Colorado.
Original publish date: March, 2016
“If you can’t change the circumstances, change your perspective.”
Perhaps you are dealing with a person or group of people who are being very unjust and hurtful to you. Maybe there’s someone who is so ignorant, mean, and cruel that they take great pleasure in belittling and bullying just about anyone – including you – who walks across their low-energy path. I believe all of us have had more than one time in our life when this was (or maybe right now is) the case. So, let’s discuss what we can do to understand, deal with, and get through hurtful situations.
As a professional psychic consultant I have many clients who come to me seeking answers, insight and guidance on how to deal with very stressful, and often downright unfair and cruel, things happening to them from family, friends, employers, neighbors, and the like. The scenarios affecting my clients’ lives are shared with me on such a trusting and deeply profound level, as each client is hurting so acutely, only wanting to know how to handle and stop the situation which is causing them the stress and often grief. Of course they also hope that the information I psychically bring forth for them will provide answers on how to proceed to make things “better.”
So, let me share some guidance on how to deal with the trying times in our lives that can seem to swallow us up emotionally, with no hoped-for-end in sight.
First: Whether you are dealing with a personal or professional hurtful and unjust situation, somehow, someway you must do your utmost to remember “this too shall pass.” Now I do understand that statement doesn’t bring much solace while you’re in the throes of the pain, but it IS true. And clients will then ask me, “Ok great, so this will pass…but when?” This is where the waiting-game tests our belief system to the core, as without being able to maintain even a seed of faith that answers and resolution (and possibly vindication, if that applies) will ultimately come, then we’ll be stuck in the depths of despair for goodness knows how long. That does us no good, nor does it set up a better, more positive flow of energy around us which will help to attract to us better, positive answers and outcomes to our troubling situation.
Next: Challenge your reactions. Can you do this? Are you willing to consciously work toward allowing (Yes! Allowing!) yourself to NOT follow your urge to “fight fire with fire” and retaliate and say cruel things about the offender(s)? Now, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set boundaries and speak your mind when someone crosses a line and bullies, berates or lies about you. It just means you need to learn to respond calmly and rationally; thus, you’ll learn when it’s best to let things go so that you don’t fuel the fire. And importantly, you’ll be learning how to keep your integrity on a high-energy level.
Next: Are you capable of understanding the hows and whys – the insecurities – that fuel the nasty person’s behavior? This is a tough one, as you’re likely thinking, “Well they sure aren’t trying to understand me!” We must attempt to position ourself to act from a higher energy level of being in order to try and understand them. Now, maybe all you can muster is saying over and over to yourself, “Forgive them for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34) when we feel our temper rising or the hurt welling up inside.
How about this helpful method: Can you ask yourself, “Does the person who acted meanly, spoke unkindly or lied about me, bullied me, etc. usually speak that way to almost everyone?” If so, ask yourself why do they do that? The truth (listen up!) is people who routinely act meanly, cruelly and/or make nasty comments about you are usually so unsure of themselves that they attempt to elevate themselves by putting others down. Got that? Once you can digest this and really believe it, you have to decide what you want to do next – do you want to continue listening to their “garbage words?”
Or better … will you choose to stand tall and represent your true self? With time, maybe very little time, you’ll will come to a point where you can “stand tall” and the hurtful issues and people will start affecting you differently. You’ll begin to see things in a different light – one where YOU are a wonderful person who doesn’t deserve what’s being dished out to you. In reality, it’s the other person’s “stuff” causing them to act like they are; the best reaction you can have is to let what they say or do go in one ear and out the other. Remain standing tall in the knowledge that you aren’t deserving of the treatment and that in the end, the light will shine on the truth and you will, in some way, be vindicated.
Finally: Make sure to stay close to the wonderfully positive, kind and thoughtful people in your life who are supportive. Stay in contact with them! You need to feel and experience their respect and concern about you. Let the good times you can have with them keep you emotionally pumped-up. Know that you ARE a good person! If need be, reach out and ask what they can do to help you. Make a point to only seek out and keep supportive people in your life. While the sting of the pain you have to deal with from the nasty-person can’t necessarily be magically erased (at the moment) from your mind and feeling-center, you’ll find that when you are feeling supported and you know you have people who care about you in your life, then encountering people who are not so kind or helpful will ultimately be less likely to impact your life.
And please know this: If change and resolution with the offending person(s) doesn’t seem likely to happen in the near future, then it is appropriate and very important to stop being around them. Don’t tolerate the behavior of those who are attacking, hurting, lying, bullying (or whatever else is being done) against you. Boundaries should be set – you have the RIGHT to respect yourself enough to remove yourself from mean people and situations. You have the RIGHT to say, “No more!” You have the RIGHT to demand courtesy and respect, and if the other person isn’t ready to see it that way, then you should take control and make it clear you won’t play their “game” anymore. But if it’s sincerely in your heart, you might tell them that when they get their act together and decide to treat you with the respect and kindness you deserve, then your door will be open to cautiously let them back into your life, and to try a new way of being with and communicating with each other.
No matter what the offending and hurtful situation may be, remember each little step forward you can make in coming from a loving and high-energy position, the easier it should be for you when future hurtful situations occur.
“Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.” —Jean Paul Sartre
See you next month!
With love, light & blessings,
Claudia Brownlie is a Woodland Park, Colorado-based Professional Psychic Intuitive Consultant and certified Life Coach, serving clients locally and world-wide. Telephone, and Skype video chat appointments are available. Claudia also provides classes and lectures, and offers psychic reading services tailored for corporate events and private parties. For more information please call her international office number: (505) 819-3309.